Please don't eat me.
Pan! Mail for you!

I’m right here ya know. *opens the letter* ……… Oh no…… N-No……

What? What is it? *Snatches the letter and glances it over* Oh shit….. Pan, it’s today! You’re gonna be late!

………….

Fucking come on! *Drags him out the door*

Pan! Mail for you!

I’m right here ya know. *opens the letter* ……… Oh no…… N-No……

What? What is it? *Snatches the letter and glances it over* Oh shit….. Pan, it’s today! You’re gonna be late!

………….

Fucking come on! *Drags him out the door*

[Txt] alright, alright. I'll make the call this instant.

[TXT]: Thank you Kiddo, thank you so much for coming back. And I’m sorry for being so awful to you like I was.

[TXT]: You don’t deserve it, you’re under pressure too. 

[Txt] Panny you are a dear friend to keep and William, you are not worthless to us no matter what. We love you.

[TXT]: I know. 

[TXT]: But this isn’t about me right now. William is our main focus. We can sort out my stupidity later. Just focus on contacting Perv or one of the maids and let them know you’re heading their way so Perv can get a heads up. 

[Txt] You are not worthless, I thank you. [Txt] I'm not driving, I cannot do so, I'm taking a cab.

[TXT]: If only I could believe you, Ted……

[TXT]: Funny how only now I’m learning your name. I like Kiddo more.

[TXT]: That’s even better, they’ll get ya home.Tip them well, they do what they can. 

[Txt] It's a three hour drive .. I'll be there as quick as I can .

[TXT]: Thank you for listening, Kiddo. I know you need a break from Perv, I can understand that, but this is something you need to do yourself.

[TXT]: I’m so sorry Kiddo.

[TXT]: I’m sorry I can’t do anything more because of my fears. I’m a worthless friend, I know….. 

[TXT]: Stay safe! Don’t you dare get into a car wreck on the way here, got it?! Don’t even reply until you get home and safely parked, not speeding down the road!  

*She froze reading the messages* [txt] He's not taking energy from someone else? But I left so he'd do that . [Txt] no, I won't hate you I just- okay I'll come back.

[TXT]: No, he’s not. And you leaving doesn’t change a thing, because you’d still disapprove even when miles away, and he doesn’t want that.

[TXT]: Please hurry and see him, Kiddo. I just get the feeling he’s worse, but I’m too cowardly to check because I might do something drastic to save him. At this rate, only you can do something. 

[Txt] Theodore. I'm sorry about last time. How are you you and William?

[TXT]: Oh! Kiddo! Uh, I know it may sound mean, but I’m finding it hard to forgive you. Look, I know it upsets you to think that Perv’s sleeping with someone else, and even more so when he’s begging you for permission. But you need to realize that sometimes, you have to excuse something.

[TXT]: He’s dying because he doesn’t want to sleep with anyone and make you unhappy. And I know it sucks to think that he’s taking pleasure from someone else, but if you guys aren’t going to have sex, then ya need to loosen the reins a little more than complain about it and make him feel like he shouldn’t even if it’s, ya know, KILLING him in the process.

[TXT]: I’m not your couples therapist, and I absolutely will not tell you how to deal with your fiance, but Kiddo, running away from all this doesn’t help. Have you ever tried to just say, “Ok, go get your energy, I’ll be here”, and leave out the little stuff like making him feel like he should be ashamed for daring to survive because he doesn’t want to harm you or the baby?

[TXT]: He can be a major asshole, but when he cares about someone, he has a heart of fucking gold! Trust me, I know, he loved me once upon a time and I know he still cares about me to a degree. Him choosing to slowly wither away than make you unhappy with him is his way of saying, “I love you and only you, and I would rather die than see you sad because of my actions”. 

[TXT]: Kiddo, I fucking adore you to hell, and I hate myself for blowing up your inbox like this, but I just need you to at least understand Perv and how your actions towards each other are making the both of you suffer. If you hate me for speaking up, then fine, I could be considered crossing a couple lines, but this needs to be said. 

[TXT]: I don’t want Perv to die, but I can’t help him. And I’m terrified to shit because he’s my best fucking friend, and all I can do is watch him wither away because he’s so in love with you that he can’t bring himself to hurt you. 

[TXT]: Block me all you want, freaking send an assassin to blow my brains out, I don’t give a shit. Just don’t leave Perv to die without so much as a word! You’re not the only one who cares about him, and that his probable death won’t affect anyone and everyone who holds him dear to their hearts. And I’m certain he’d love to hear from you one last time and make amends, if you gave him a chance…..

[Txt] Is this Pancake Onceler?

*Picks up his phone and reads the text. What was up with people he didn’t know getting his number????*

[TXT]: Yeah. Who’s this?

ask-the-spy-onceler:

askpervyonceler:

Wait what? *Blinks, then flushes deeply, eyes widening somewhat to express his shock* P-Perv, I’m not having a threesome with you two, it would just make everything awkward afterwards….. I wanna help you guys out, but I don’t want to cross any borders here….. *looks at the floor, too put off to look at either of them* I-I’ll keep an eye on Kiddo, so go out and get your energy….

I was just- *sighs, defeated* Forget it. Just forget it.

*He turns around and walks out the door. Perv trudges to his bedroom, no way was he going to go out like this. Obviously Ted would never understand. And he was tired of trying to work with her. (In all honesty, Perv was being hard headed and wouldn’t see it from Ted’s point of view)

He somehow managed to get out of his suit, pants and tie and crawled onto his bed in only his boxers. As drained as he was, it was no mystery why he fell asleep instantly.*

*She sighed*
… Pan, can you make sure he gets energy? Call hookers or something. ..
*She stood up out of bed* I need fresh air. I must go.
Thanks for trying* smiles at him again before heading out of the room. She stopped at the door*
If William asks where I’ve gone .. just tell him I’ll see him soon if not then I’ll see him by the time the baby is born.
*She walked away sneaking past the guards *

What? Kiddo, where are you going? *Gets up quickly* You both need to actually talk this out more! I didn’t come here and try to help just for you both to-to give up! *He makes a frustrated grunt, but quickly sighs in defeat once Spy finally leaves* Ted…. I don’t even have any numbers for hookers….. What am I going to do? What can I do….?

*Small grin* Thank you. That's really sweet of you. *looks down and blushes* So what do you do? Any job or hobby?

Ah, no job currently. The last time I did, I got turned into this. So, I mostly stay at home and cook and clean. My hobby ranges between playing games, tormenting your cousin, bickering with Rave, and walking Butter. Do you have any hobbies or a job?

Butter